dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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