At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
