Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
