Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So many bounce houses so little time
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
