we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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