So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
