You're so nebulous sometimes
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
