WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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