Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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