i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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