I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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