Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
