dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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