Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
