I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
