I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
