Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
As shirtless as possible
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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