Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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