ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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