i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
