if i can run in heels then i can drive
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize