I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
