I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Randomize
