I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
