Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
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