i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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