How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
