It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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