Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
