ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
