Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Welp...herpes.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
