Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
