You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
