We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize