Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize