I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
