Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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