I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
