I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize