If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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