Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
