jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
