Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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