butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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