So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
