just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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