If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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