I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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