3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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