Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
