worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
