we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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