What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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