I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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