I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
