I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
