so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
