Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize