I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
