He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
