I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
