okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
