You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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