It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
