I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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