i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
