I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
